The American woman who became the first hostage to be freed from Hamas described hearing about President Trump’s landmark ceasefire deal as the “happiest day of my life,” a pact that will secure the release of the remaining captives.
Yet “survivor’s guilt” has made it difficult for Judith Raanan—an Israeli-born American living near Chicago—to fully move forward. She also worries about how the other hostages will cope after enduring years of captivity.
“For me, Oct. 7 remains a day frozen in time until all hostages are free and this war ends,” the 61-year-old former life coach and counselor told The Post exclusively. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting and praying for.”
Natalie and Judith Raanan had been in Israel for three weeks before the Oct. 7 massacre, celebrating the Jewish holidays.
Judith, visiting her 88-year-old mother’s home in Kibbutz Nahal Oz near the Gaza border with her then-teenage daughter Natalie, was abducted by Hamas during the brutal terror attack that left 1,200 civilians dead and hundreds kidnapped. The family also lost several relatives in the nearby Kibbutz Be’eri massacre.
Raanan said just two weeks in captivity pushed her to the brink of suicide — and she struggles to fathom what the remaining hostages are enduring.
“It’s excruciating to think about. It’s beyond comprehension and unbearable,” said Raanan, a claustrophobe who was held in several homes in Gaza. She expressed particular anguish for those still trapped “hundreds of feet underground” in Hamas’ infamous tunnel network.
“You lose muscle mass, your sanity, your sense of self — even the ability to say ‘no’ or react,” she said. “You can’t get up, you can’t eat, you can’t get to the toilet.”
Under constant armed surveillance, life became a blur of fear and disorientation. “It felt like a casino with no sense of time,” she said. “It’s like Russian roulette from one moment to the next. You don’t know if you’ll be alive or dead any minute. All you can do is survive the moment — do the best you can.”
With her fate out of her hands and her daughter “terrified,” Raanan turned to her faith for strength.
“I made up my mind — if I die, I want to die as a good person,” she said, explaining how she clung to her modesty and religious traditions, even making a blessing over her piece of bread.
She prayed in Hebrew, reciting Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
Despite the danger, Raanan said she “refused to bow” to her captors.
“I wasn’t going to be their slave,” she said. “I was going to keep my honor and dignity. That’s what kept me alive.”
Judith Raanan (left) and her daughter Natalie embraced loved ones after their release from Hamas captivity. Freed on Oct. 20 as part of a Hamas-Qatari deal, they were the first in what is expected to be several waves of hostage releases.
Raanan sought gratitude even in the smallest things.
“You can be thankful for salt water, instead of no water at all,” she said. “I was thankful for every merciful moment.”
She plans to return to Israel for the homecoming of the remaining hostages and remains cautiously hopeful.
“I’m factual — I’m waiting to see the facts. I’m really just hoping to see them,” she said.
“I can hardly breathe. All I want is for them to come home safely, to hug their family again,” Raanan told The Post from her Chicago home.
Of the 48 remaining hostages, 20 are believed to still be alive.
